2008-05-18 - 1:56 p.m.
big fat confession that i should probably never tell anyone and here i am putting it in a public diary: i just shot up for the first time in five months. i mean.... i was on the verge of suicide and i have one day left to study for my quantum final and i promised i would help two friends get hooked up. i got nine bags and i had intended to give shelby three and laura five ( well technically i was gonna give her fifty bucks for some suboxone but i corre4ctly predicted that she would prefer five bags instead of fifty bucks.
i was kinda nervous cuz i had no idea how much to do since my tolerance is way down and i don't know how strong this stuff is, but evidently i got it JUST FUCKING RIGHT.oh my god this feeling 9is so nice i can't even begin to describe it. i really have no interest in relapsing and i'm going to limit myself to this one bag that, although i used to do several a day, should last me most of the week if i'm conservative with it. and the withdrawals from it will be very mild... it would take a while to build up a full blown addiction again.an fraction of a bag a day won't hurt much to kick, and i would much rather get through the week doing a little bit of heroin here or there than go through this insane suboxone shit again.
so there it is.... i'm off the wagon. i intend to completely cut off my connection to the dealer. later today i'm introducing him to laura and possibly shelby and after that i will have no way of getting anything unless i ask shelby or laura ad i just won't do that.
god this feels fucking amazing. i never thought i would ever get so much enjoyment from putting a needle in my arm, seeing that little
okay so i just came back to my computer and realized i never finished this entry. and now i am. done.
(btw laura is here and we're having fun and taking pics!)