2008-05-17 - 1:21 p.m.
i got up at 1PM today, despite the fact that i didn't get to sleep until 7AM. i guess the fact that i was able to get out of bed even earlier than i did yesterday, with much less sleep, means i'm still getting better. little more energy etc, not so fucking tired all of the time. i dunno...
my head is stuck on bad thoughts right now. i'm just getting so sick of having to see shelby getting all dressed up to get fucking wasted with a bunch of guys. i mean sure it's fine that she's doing that, but i shouldn't have to be around it. oh well, i guess it just goes that way sometimes. i just wish i could stop freaking out about it. i didn't even know i could still feel this way.... feel jealous or hurt over something like this. i guess it's a good thing, means there's still some drama in life that i can feel, aside from my own internal struggles.
speaking of which, i have so much studying to do in the next two days, and i'm still not sure how i'm gonna pull off this research paper. that's another thing i wish i wasn't thinking about.
finally there's the fact that i'm still drinking and smoking too much, and my lungs hurt. if my liver could scream i'm sure it would.
off i go to listen to music until i can get the motivation to study.