2008-05-16 - 3:12 a.m.
fuck. i'm still not doing so good. i just took all my fucking sleeping pills (otc stuff) but i really want to go get more alcohol. fuck fuck fuck
"why does she still call, when she knows what it does to me?"
fucking shelby is still ACCIDENTALLY ending me text messages instead of the people they are meant for. like this new guy who has a thing for her who she's apparently not interested in but talking to all of the time. you know what... fucking fantastic if she's moving on but fuck man i'm still working at it and seeing her hang around drinking with a bunch of guys who are probably horny as fuck, and she's probably not in a position to be very reserved (for lack of a better word?), drives me fucking crazy. i know it's none of my fucking business, it's fucking fine. but STOP FUCKING TeXTING ME by accident when the message was supposed to go to some other fucking guy.
i don't know why i'm bitching. i made things really hard for her, probably drove her to doing drugs (maybe that's not fair, she was pretty fucked up to begin with and probably on her way there anyways), so what if she is making me miserable back? maybe i have been miserable anyways and am just now finding a good excuse for it.
fuck... FUCK. those last two outbursts were over the fact that i'm going to stumble through harlem to get more alcohol and probably end up staying awake longer than i should.
i know i haven't mentioned this. but i've been falling behind for a MONTH and now i have a final on monday and a RIDICULOUS research paper i haven't even started due in a week. i need to get my shit together. i keep saying tomorrow... and i guess it's too late for today but.... seriously, TOMORROW. TOMMY, GET OFF YOUR ASS AND GET SOME FUCKING WORK DONE
off i go for some more mildly self-destructive behavior (i really am trying to do better, i swear!)
<3