2008-05-16 - 9:01 p.m.
ok so i'm taking a break from everything right now, and trying to put off having another cigarette cuz i've been smoking way too much and i really just want to stop altogether. so here i am, updating again!
so... i got a huge stack of labs graded, so as far as that goes i'm almost finished for the semester... just some late labs and a smallish amount of lecture homeworks still to do. I got through a lot of the notes for my quantum final, i haven't done THAT much really but i guess it's progress at least. i'm having a really hard time studying, i got really focused for a while but now it's gone and i really can't handle drinking any more coffee because it's making me feel crazy and crappy.
i feel like even the slightest accomplishment is so freaking hard right now. just to do anything requires so much effort, it's an extremely difficult fight against my body, which doesn't seem willing to handle anything. it's frustrating to have to work so hard just to be the least bit productive. i'm doing better though, i guess, so i suppose i should be happy... at least a little bit
oh also i'm trying really hard not to drink tonight. i dunno if i'll make it, but i've made it this far through the day and if i keep studying and playing guitar maybe i'll be able to keep myself occupied enough to not think about the way i'm feeling so much that i feel i absolutely have to escape it somehow, the only way i know how (aside from the studying and guitar which i am hoping will work), by drinking myself senseless.
that was a long sentence. i do that a lot
sooo anyhoo, i'm still writing because i know as soon as i finish this thing i will probably go have a cigarette. i suppose if i can stop drinking, then that will be another great accomplishment and i can put off quitting smoking for a little while and still feel good about myself. i could try to do it the other way around, but drinking makes it harder to not smoke.... while smoking doesn't really make it harder to not drink. you know? i sure do.
ok this is getting stupid. i'm gonna go have a cigarette and relax for a few minutes and then try to get back to work. peace.